We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize