Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
