Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dick very happy bro
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
