i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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