Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
