Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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