so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize