Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
