Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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