I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
as a side note pls kill me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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