i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
