I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
