just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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