Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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