I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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