yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
