Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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