in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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