absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
