Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
