Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So squirting runs in the family.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have tasted many bathrooms
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
