Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
