He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
