I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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