I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
