Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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