I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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