Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Enjoy the penises
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
