I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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