I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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