mondays should just be called national damage control day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
