I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
