OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
