Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
