when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she smelled like a LAN party
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
