I wish I only lived at night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
