ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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