im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
