K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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