after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
