My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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