Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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