I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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