Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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