hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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