He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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