I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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