Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
