No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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