In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
