Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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