I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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