Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
