capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
