I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
