while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
