For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
