shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
