thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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