I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
