I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
