she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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